BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT TIP: BE CONSISTENT in your response to your child's problem behaviors. If expectations are clear and your response consistent, your child will be able to predict and, therefore, learn what is expected. Additionally, your child will be able to predict what will happen if he/she behaves a certain way based on your consistency over time in how you respond. Disclaimer: If you are responding consistently to your child but your child's problem behaviors are not improving and/or are worsening in frequency, intensity, severity and/or duration, resulting in increased parental or familial distress or difficulty for the family functioning, please seek out professional assistance from a professional with declared competencies in Applied Behavior Analysis.
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT TIP: When stating demands to your child, avoid phrasing your demand in the form of a question (ex: "Can you pick up your toys?"). It's harder for your child to differentiate the semantics between when you're merely asking a question to ask for your child's response, input or preference and when you mean you want your child to complete the action specified in your question. Avoid this confusion by using clear language. Simply state the action you want your child to do (ex: "Pick up your toys").
Got guests coming to your home and want to visit without your child frequently interrupting to get your attention? Restrict access to a highly preferred item/activity (i.e., TV show, DVD, tablet, toy) the day of or several hours before guests arrive. The activity/item should be HIGHLY preferred so as to effectively compete with the value of adult attention. When your guests come, grant access to the activity/item and chances are your child will be more engaged in the toy/activity than wanting your attention...at least for a period of time.
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT TIP: Catch your child being "good." Give specific praise and attention to your child for spontaneously saying and doing positive things, such as complying with directions, playing quietly alone while you visit with guests, please/thank you, cleaning up their toys, complimenting someone, sharing, accepting being told "no" appropriately, etc.
BEHAVIOR MANAGEMENT TIP: Tell your children what you want them to do versus what you DON'T want them to do. For example: "Please eat with your fork" vs "Don't eat with your fingers" OR "Don't leave your dirty clothes on the floor" vs "Put your dirty clothes in the hamper". The word "No" seems to invite your child to do the opposite. Be sure to praise your child if he/she complies with what it is you're asking.
Provide specific rather than general praise so you child is told exactly what it is he/she is saying or doing that you want him/her to continue doing. GOOD EXAMPLES: "Great job picking up your toys right away when I asked" or "Wow! I like how you offered to share your cars" or "You did an awesome job playing by yourself while I talked to Grandma on the phone. Now I can play with you." POOR EXAMPLES: "Good job" or "Way to go" or "You were good today" or "Good boy". Notice these are used above in the good examples but the child is also given more specific feedback about their behavior. Give it a try and see if you notice a change in your child doing more of what you're specifically praising, such as compliance!
Jami Hughes, Psy.D, LP, BCBA-D, Executive Director